Welcome back. Today we will talk on evolutionary psychological first aid in kids between three and six years old. In this stage finishes what we call first childhood, the kid begins being more independent and more social at the same time. He has acquired some habits that make him more autonomous in his daily life, such as brushing his teeth, dressing up and eating by himself, going to the toilet without help, etc. In games this bigger independence and sociability becomes more obvious. The kid doesn't want to play alone, he prefers playing with other kids, in groups of three or four people, and begins sharing his toys. In his games the imitation of professions such as doctor, nurse, teacher, gardener; they are more interested on complex tales and songs and they begin interpreting characters. The kid's thoughts are egocentric, his phrases are full of the pronouns "I" and "me", he also begins being aware that his opinion doesn't have to be the same as the other people's, the kid begins using a much richer and fluid language, he begins telling more complex stories in which he mixes reality with fiction. In that moment the kid can't distinguish between reality and fantasy. Regarding the conception of death, kids between three and six years old think it's a temporary and reversible state, they think the deceased is sleeping and so that he is still breathing and any moment he will wake up. They take the world literally, as well as the things adults tell them and their advices. Their magical thoughts makes them think that they can make things happen by simply thinking they will happen. In fact we can find some situations in which if any kid has thought or wished something bad happened to someone close to them and by coincidence something bad happens to them, he might think this happened because he wished so. So let's see which are the reactions that can be given in this stage in front of a critical incident or loss. It is mostly important knowing that kids react in a different way than adults when facing a loss or a critical incident. It is important to know that each kid is different and so living a critical incident with a kid that doesn't understand what's happening, that is scared and which we don't know how to calm down, can be very stressing for an adult. That's why knowing which are the possible reactions of kids in front of this kind of situations will make us face them with more calm and tranquility. The behavior that kids show after living a critical incident is a normal behavior, some behaviors can be talking more than the usual or being more excited or even not saying a single word, because they find it hard to express what bothers them. Sometimes they express their pain through games, they have a generalized fear such as being alone, some animal, being at the toilet, fear of sleeping, etc. They can also show concern for the loss of another known person, uncertainty on who is going to take care of them or who is going to take them to school. They lose autonomy and they might present regressions in their behavior such as bed-wetting, not eating by themselves, not being able to get dressed, etc. They can also show sleep problems such as nightmares, waking up anxious, not wanting to sleep alone. What should we do in front of these behaviors? We must do five things. First contain, then calm, then inform, then normalize and finally comfort. Let's see each of these steps with more details. In the first step, containing, we must try to assure the comfort and the rest of the kid trying to make him eat and sleep, preventing dehydration, of solving his playing and drawing needs. We must give them shows of affection, not only with words but also with gestures, such as a kiss, taking their hand, a hug or holding them on our lap as long as they need it. In the second stage, calming down, when we talk to the kid we must do it by staying at his same height. We will talk to him slowly and with a soft voice, we can also give him a hot bath, a massage, sing his favorite song, tell him his favorite tale, to calm him down. We can also play with him and even play with his imaginary friends. In the third stage, informing, we must tell him everything that happened using an accessible and understandable language for someone of his age. We must try to answer all his doubts in a sincere and simple way bluntly and avoiding euphemisms. We mustn't minimize what happened or avoid explaining its consequences, but the opposite. We must tell him what will happen from now on and what are we going to do, foreseeability gives kids some safety. We must be patient, as maybe we will have to give this information daily. We must also try to discover which other explanations he has received or other adults gave him, to correct or complement them. It is also important trying to explain him which is the difference between real life and his dreams and fears. In the fourth stage, normalization, we must make the kid understand that expressing how he feels is good. To do so we will help him naming emotions, sometimes shared with the adults'. During the three or four weeks after the critical incident we must be patient with the kid's aggressive, irritating or repressive behaviors. We must avoid criticizing him or getting angry in front of the loss of acquired abilities. In the fifth and last stage, comforting, we must encourage the kid drawing or playing about what happened, as it will help him understanding what happened and how he feels. We must also try to keep the family routines before the critical accident as much as possible. We must let the kid do easy tasks that fit his age, such as preparing the table or dressing up, although they take him more time than the usual. We must give the kid the chance of going to goodbye rituals, and if he wants to, take him to the funeral parlor or the funeral. If he doesn't want to talk we mustn't force him, just make him understand that when he wants to do so, we will be there to listen to him. And when this happens we must use words that express common feelings so that he doesn't feel strange. Until now we have seen which are the expected behaviors in kids and what we should do in front of these behaviors. It is important to remember that these reactions and answers in front of a critical accident are normal and expectable. They will diminish progressively until they disappear in the four weeks following the success. If it wasn't the case and the effects extended for more than four weeks or increased in intensity, we should go to an specialist professional.
